I am not a Diablo fangirl (at least, not yet). Before the Annual Pass, I never even considered playing, and I still have played more WoW than Diablo in the hours since its release (admittedly, some of that is because the Diablo servers were sketchy).
However, Diablo’s launch and my two-footed leap into it has brought some things to my attention about the way I play the games I play–specifically, how I often prefer to play alone even in socially-oriented games.
On Tuesday, our guild forums exploded with battle tags–everyone wanted to play Diablo III together, and who could blame them? You certainly get a lot further in the game playing in parties (if I understand it all correctly).
I did not surrender my battle tag, and I do not have “Quick Join” enabled. I want to play alone.
Diablo is brand new to me. The story, the characters, the mechanics, the environment–all virgin territory to me. I want to experience it all, and I want to do it at my own pace. I don’t want to be led. I don’t want to be followed. I want to go where I want to go and see the things I want to see without feeling pressure to make sure the other person in my party is getting what they want to get out of the game.
The same is true for me when leveling in WoW. I can’t stand to level with other people. I hate grouping for quests unless absolutely necessary. This might sound kind of harsh, but it’s just the way I operate. If I’m trying to blast through leveling, I don’t want to be slowed down. If I’m trying to take my time, I don’t want to feel pressured to speed up. If I want to explore one quest hub and skip another, I want to be able to do that without having to ask if it’s okay.
Most of this is my problem–I’m aware of and comfortable with that. I have an overwhelming desire to please people. The better I know the person, the more I want to please them. This often results in me setting aside the things I want in order to appease someone else. It’s not healthy (I promise I’m working on it), but this is how it is. This means that when I group with someone, I get annoyed when I don’t get to do what I want to do, even though it’s my fault for not being more assertive. Head trip, right?
The other part of it is much less complicated: sometimes I just like to do things on my own.
I’m working on learning to say “no.” For now, that starts with, “No, I don’t want to play with you right now. Maybe another time.”